The eloquence of micro messages

Reading a recent and pleasant book in English about project management and leadership, I came across an interesting chapter dedicated to the power of micro messages. From this meeting, both professional and personal considerations emerged.

The micro message is a subtle form of communication, which can be used voluntarily or involuntarily. I think, for example, about the unauthorized parking attendant, who greets me saying: “Good morning, doctor” or to the fellow engineer, who greets me with a “Good morning, madam”. They are both wrong, because they should use “Good morning, engineer”, but the former is more courteous, since the car-park attendant does not know my profession.

I can also mention this weekend’s visit to an exhibition of architecture, construction, design and furniture. All the exhibitors, men and women, with whom I interacted, assumed that I was an architect and not an engineer, just because I am a woman.

In general, we say that we do our work and that we are not our job. In my case, in particular, the two things coincide and merge even in everyday life. I was born an engineer and I did not become so for study or for work. I could mention various funny anecdotes as a reference, but I prefer to limit myself to the photo, which accompanies this article. On the table of my kitchen, in these days, next to the nutcrackers also appeared an old vise, in case the first was not enough.

The micro messages, in their negative meaning, always hide discrimination, prevarication, inequality, sexism, and misogyny. Each of us uses them, either consciously or unconsciously. They contain our prejudices, our conditioning, our disinformation and our habits.

They can convey judgment, criticism, contempt, invasion, offense, insensitivity, exclusion, abandonment, detachment, indifference, and lack of respect. They are the persons, who highlight what they think are your weaknesses, especially in public.

They are the persons who, when you talk to them, look at you with elusive eyes and are distracted and absorbed in other activities. They are the people who, when you talk to them, always interrupt you, because they do not value what you say or think. For them, your opinion and your experience do not count for anything.

They are the persons, who call you aloud or with a disparaging nickname or who confuse your name. They are the people, who do not respond to my messages, who do not greet me or pretend not to see me when they meet me.

They are the persons who raise their voice or make fun of you, minimizing and ridiculing. They are the people, who continually demand your attention without having any regard for your activities. They are the persons who use you as a term of comparison to emphasize your supposed inferiority in something or the superiority, privileges and power of others.

These micro messages are not harmless and innocent, as one might believe or make believe. They create tensions in interpersonal relationships, generate physical ailment and psychological violence. As in all forms of communication, even micro messages can be not received, not understood or misunderstood.

There are also micro messages that transmit trust, sensitivity, solidarity, respect, equality, attention to the needs of others, understanding, gratitude, closeness, affection, approval, praise. They are, for example, a hug, a smile, a caress or a word and a kind gesture, which arrive at the right time.

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en
https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/
http://www.facebook.com/manualeprogettisostenibili
http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

References available on request.

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, L’eloquenza dei micro messaggi

https://progettisostenibili.wordpress.com/2018/12/02/leloquenza-dei-micro-messaggi

 

 

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Project management and theosophy or how thought creates

More than a year ago, I came across an unknown, for me, discipline: theosophy. I started gathering information reading some fundamental books, especially the original texts in English language of the late nineteenth century by Madame Blavatsky. In those thousands and thousands of pages they talk about projects.

They are short, medium and long-term projects, organized according to a common strategy, on a local, regional and global scale. This portfolio of projects was born in the mists of time and is projected into the future. I immediately noticed many similarities with project management and, above all, with sustainable project management.

Theosophy is internationally represented by The Theosophical Society, which was founded in New York City, in the United States, in 1875 and which has its historical headquarters at Adyar in India. Among its main objectives there are: an active brotherhood among people, the comparative study of ancient and modern religion, science, and philosophy, the knowledge of the laws of nature, and the investigation of the human innate powers. It deals with material and spiritual aspects.

Project management is represented at international level by various institutions, institutes and associations, which have been founded starting from the second half of the twentieth century. Its main objective is the organized and structured management of projects that are described as temporary initiatives, which serve to create unique products, results or services. In particular, sustainable projects are concerned with environmental, social and economic sustainability in the short, medium and long term, and on a local, regional and global scale.

All projects start from a need, which can be individual, collective, corporate or spiritual (“the breath needed a form”). And this is the initiating stage, the propulsive energy.

From this necessity, ideas, thoughts, requirements, technical specifications, and feasibility studies arise. The thought begins to take shape in the image and likeness of those who thought it. A working group and the designers create prototypes, choose measures, perform calculations, produce drawings, reports, and , at first preliminary and then executive, designs that describe in detail and unequivocally the idea on which to realize the creation. And here we are in the planning phase, and in the phase of the “divine fashioners”.

Then they look for resources, for example: materials, raw materials, workers, electricians, carpenters, local or imported building stones (“Pitris”). Tools, means and equipment are chosen. Human (or divine, or spiritual) resources are selected. And so the actual execution, the creation, begins.

For all the duration of the project there is always someone, who acts as a supervisor and a controller. They verify that what has been achieved corresponds exactly to the initial idea, and that the different parts are integrated with each other. They intervene if a corrective action is needed. We are in the monitoring and controlling phase.

Then the idea becomes concrete, takes shape, actually exists in the material plane and no longer only at the level of abstract, astral or spiritual thought. It is seen, touched, heard, smelled, and tasted. The project is concluded and can be left to its function, but only if it corresponds to the pre-established requirements.

If it shows any manufacturing defects, or if there have been any unexpected problems or difficulties, they can try to correct them with one or more experts and with an emergency or a rescue plan. If this does not work either, or if the project has disregarded expectations or has become detrimental to other projects connected to it, they can interrupt and destroy the badly created work. In the Indian Trimurti there are three characters: Brahma creates, Vishnu preserves, and Siva destroys. And this is the closure of the project.

Projects of sustainable project management really resemble those of theosophy.

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en
https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/
http://www.facebook.com/manualeprogettisostenibili

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, Project management e teosofia ovvero come il pensiero crea
https://progettisostenibili.wordpress.com/2018/05/11/project-management-e-teosofia-ovvero-come-il-pensiero-crea/

 

 

The Reiki of Lucia

Getting rid of emotional manipulation requires care, attention and simple daily actions.

Among these cares there are also the holistic disciplines, which you can select among those ones that you like the most and consider the most effective for your case and your personality.

Today it is the turn of Lucia’s Reiki.

Lucia Di Napoli is seventy years old and holds a university degree. Since 1994 she has been a holistic operator; in particular she is a shiatsu instructor, a yoga instructor, and a second level reiki.

Question: “Why did you become fond of this holistic discipline?”.

Answer: “I really appreciated reiki, because it allows me to bring benefits also to people, who are bedridden and, therefore, can not take the positions required by other holistic disciplines”.

Question: “What are its main benefits?”.

Answer: “Reiki acts very well on a psychological and even physical level, because it allows a rebalancing of our chakras that, as we know, are centers of energy to which organs and functions of our body are in correspondence”.

Question: “What simple use do you suggest for our health?”.

Answer: “The advice is to practice, also short, treatment cycles of seven or eight sessions, repeated at intervals of one or two months, to maintain the level of psychophysical wellbeing, so as to be able to face with greater determination the trials to which life subjects us”.

Question: “What is your personal message for people, who want to free themselves from emotional manipulation?”.

Answer: “If we strengthen our self, therefore our self-esteem, with the help of these holistic disciplines that have the primary purpose of healing our body, mind and spirit, we can better recognize and then face the people, who try to extort something from us emotionally”.

Thanks Lucia!

I met Lucia during the group vibrational treatments with gongs and Tibetan singing bowls of Alexandro (see the relevant interview). She is a kind and professional lady. Lucia teaches the holistic disciplines and tests them on herself, practicing them in person. I was surprised by her willingness and her curiosity to often attend sessions, conferences and meetings in the sector organized both by her fellow instructors and by her former students. She teaches, studies, and practices with continuity and constancy. Giving, receiving, and evolving.

Namastè 🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

 

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, Il reiki di Lucia

https://progettisostenibili.wordpress.com/2018/04/12/il-reiki-di-lucia

 

The Crystal Therapy of Francesca

Getting rid of emotional manipulation or narcissistic abuse requires care, attention and simple daily actions.

Among these cares there are also the natural remedies, to be selected among those ones that you like the most and consider the most effective for your case and for your personality.

Today it is the turn of the Crystal Therapy of Francesca.

Dr. Francesca Aveni is a childhood educator and a system-relational counselor. For over fifteen years, she has been studying alternative methods to solve emotional and non-emotional people’s problems. She is passionate about reading and she reads everything that can give her new ideas for creative solutions.

Question: “How, when and why have you become fond of this natural remedy?”.

Answer: “This passion, if we want to call it this way, has been a consequence of my studies. There should be an alternative method to traditional medicines and holism gave me the answers”.

Question: “What are its main benefits?”.

Answer: “The benefits of crystal therapy are manifold and various, ranging from the treatment of physical problems, such as inflammation, to helping in overcoming mourning. It is a slow but constant process that allows, in combination with traditional medicine, to heal certain diseases or illnesses or, better, to prevent them”.

Question: “What simple use do you suggest for our health?”.

Answer: “A very simple use that I recommend to everyone, as long as you do not suffer from hypertension, is to use a tumbled amethyst stone under the pillow in order to prevent headaches and nightmares. Amethyst relieves tensions, thus allowing a truly restorative sleep “.

Question: “What is your personal message for those who want to free themselves from emotional manipulation?”.

Answer: “To get rid of emotional dependence, I can recommend a combination of amazonite, calcite and dumortierite. They are stones that, when combined, eliminate the old harmful behaviors and induce to take control of your life “.

Thanks Francesca!

I had studied crystals and rocks at the third year of university for the geology examination at engineering. I never imagined that, after some decades, I would find the same stones under a totally different aspect: the therapeutic one.

I met Francesca for the first time at the Festival of the Orient in Naples, Italy, last September 2017. I had just finished my conference on emotional manipulation and was accompanying my niece in search of an object. She left her stand to come and hug my dog. After introductions and greetings, I looked around and, in the display of goods of Francesca, there was exactly what we were looking for. What a coincidence!

Namastè 🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

 

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, La cristalloterapia di Francesca

https://progettisostenibili.wordpress.com/2018/04/05/la-cristalloterapia-di-francesca

Photo (C) 2018 Paola Morgese

 

A link between emotional and economic manipulation

There is a subtle and insidious link between emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse) and economic manipulation.

There are manipulators and narcissists, men and women, who, for economic reasons, deprive the victims of their loved ones or fill them with gifts to bind them to themselves or, moreover, force them to live in deprivation in order to better control them, or impoverish them to meet their needs first of all.

For example, someone, who is forced, without any real need, to live in economic hardship by someone whom he/she loves, feels in trouble, is insecure and disoriented. The manipulator or narcissist can manage him/her as he/she wants. It is about economic and emotional avarice. The victim is so used to this “quid pro quo” mechanism, that is “I give you something, if you give me something in return or if you behave as I want”, that he/she sees as his/her reference only his/her tormentor . He/she cannot perceive that he/she has many more resources and many more opportunities.

Let us suppose that the victim needs a pencil and that the stationery stores are closed at that time. If he/she thinks that he/she can only obtain it by buying it where and how he/she has always done, he/she will wait for them to reopen. If, instead, the victim analyzes all the possible ways, with which he/she could come into possession of a pencil, he/she will realize that there are many more. He/she could meet a friend, who lends it to him/her or who gives it to him/her. While walking in the park, he/she could find it on a bench, forgotten or lost by someone. She/he could remember having it in her/his hair, because she/he has used it to tie it up in a ponytail.

As there are not only stationeries to obtain a pencil, so there are not only manipulators and narcissists as a reference. There are many other alternatives and many other people, whom very often victims, forced to live as in isolation, can no longer see.

The victim can also happen to be inundated with gifts, money and kindness when the manipulator or narcissist wants to impress her/him, wants to impress strangers, needs something from the victim, or has something to be forgiven.

Also in this case the victim falls into confusion: the link between love and economic well-being is ambiguous and unhealthy. A moment before, the manipulator or narcissist is ready to give her/him everything without asking or doing anything. A moment later, he/she has no right to anything and must undergo impositions and retaliation. Which are the right behaviors? Which the wrong ones? How does he/she get his/her pencil from the manipulator or the narcissist?

A victim is unable to understand that he/she has so many alternatives at his/her disposal and that they are all within reach. If she/he does not know the dynamics of emotional manipulation and narcissistic abuse, she/he will think that she/he is wrong. If she/he thinks that these mechanisms are normal among people who love each other, she/he will tend to repeat them with her/his loved ones. He/she will not realize that there are healthier and more productive methods to deal with other people.

Wrongly thinking that love is an exchange of commodities that can be bought, sold, bartered or lent, a victim of emotional and economic manipulation will think that it is normal to be surrounded by other people, who behave that way. Repeating the actions of his/her manipulators and narcissists, he/she will remove from himself/herself people, who are capable of giving and receiving sincere and unconditional love.

Then there are manipulators and narcissists, who for economic claims or spite deprive the victim of his/her dearest ones. This can happen, for instance, because of issues connected with inheritance disputes or to daughters and sons, who are contended between parents fighting each other. The victim may be required, for money matters, to take sides against someone whom he/she cares about. She/he may be forced to no longer see brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, or grandparents.

In this case too, love and money are confused. In this case too, manipulation undermines both the emotional and the economic well-being of the victim. Healthy family relationships are based on love bonds and not on economic ties. This confusion will also reign in the life of the victim, if he/she does not notice it and refuses it.

Economic well-being and security go hand in hand with emotional well-being and security. If someone has done everything in his/her capability, if he/she has studied, if he/she has worked hard and if he/she has committed himself/herself with all his/her strength without being able to achieve his/her economic and affective objectives, perhaps the answer is precisely in the emotional and economic manipulation that he/she has suffered.

If someone in his/her life has met too many manipulators and narcissists, he/she could not know all his/her resources, could not have seen all the opportunities at his/her disposal, could have been exploited and exhausted, could make confusion between love and money, and could not have the right emotional support.

Love is not for sale, is not attachment and is not dependence, on the contrary, it is given at no cost, is liberty, and autonomy.

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, Legame tra manipolazioni affettive ed economiche

https://progettisostenibili.wordpress.com/2018/03/05/legame-tra-manipolazioni-affettive-ed-economiche/

 

Emotional Manipulation (Narcissistic Abuse) Q&A 1 – 5

Emotional Manipulation (Narcissistic Abuse) Q&A 1 – 5

Question 1

  1. Someone, who anticipates your needs, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 2

  1. Someone, who gives you wellbeing, serenity and safety, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 3

  1. Someone, who behaves in an economically responsible way towards you, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 4

  1. Someone, to whom you can entrust what is dearest to you, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 5

  1. Someone, who tires and wears you out, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Answer 1

If you are in a healthy relationship, someone who anticipates your needs is someone, who takes care of your needs and loves you.

If you are in a bad relationship, the cases are two.

  1. He or she is a manipulator, who wants to dupe you.
  2. He or she is a victim of your manipulations, which fears being abandoned and does everything to satisfy you, with the risk of losing his or her dignity.

Answer 2

Someone, who gives you wellbeing, serenity and safety, is someone who loves you and makes you feel “at home”.

Manipulators, men and women, love to keep their victims on tenterhooks, between ups and downs, on purpose.

Victims of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) transmit, and make heavy, their own anxieties and fears, often unknowingly.

Answer 3

Generally, economically responsible people are people, who put into practice values ​​and principles of economic sustainability. For example, they evaluate the ratios quality/price and cost/benefit, consider expenses and investments in the short, medium and long term. They avoid waste. They have the wellbeing and the needs of their loved ones and of future generations at heart.

So, someone, who behaves in an economically responsible way towards you, is someone who loves you. He or she takes care of your needs. He or she acts in a timely, equitable, and balanced way, and by mutual consent.

Manipulators, men and women, want to meet their immediate needs. They spend and waste to impress their victims or strangers. They keep their savings only for themselves. They make promises and postpone, or swallow. They impose economic privations on their victims to scare them and to subdue them.

A victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse) is engaged in economically meeting the needs of manipulators, men and women, in a priority way, even without knowing it. He or she can be economically exploited and deceived.

Answer 4

Someone, to whom you can entrust what is dearest to you (for example: house, family members, animals, goods, and savings), is someone who loves you. He or she will take care of them with diligence and good sense.

Manipulators (men and women) are focused only on their needs and on what they want to achieve. They could take possession of your savings. They could neglect or damage your goods artfully.

Generally, a victim of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) is a dependable person. It is for this reason that the manipulator (man or woman) has chosen him or her, but the dependence on them could be too strong. Or, the manipulator might have any interest towards you. In both cases, your goods or your loved ones, if entrusted to the victim, could be in danger.

Answer 5

Someone who loves you, makes you feel well, excites you, and helps you in making your wishes come true.

Someone, who tires and wears you out (“energy vampire”), could be either a manipulator, man or woman, or a victim of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse).

Manipulators, men and women, swallow good mood, joy, proactivity, and optimism literally. With their constant criticisms and complaints, they grieve and weaken the people they interact with, even physically. Also when they are cheerful, they know how to leave bitterness in your mouth. They are capable of sabotaging the projects of their victims.

Victims of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) are inclined to repeat some of the usual behaviors of their manipulators. If the dependence is strong, also the victims are ungrateful, catastrophic, disheartening, and caustic.

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

 

Volunteering for PMI® and PMIEF®

Here is a collection of a few photos of my many volunteer activities with PMI® and PMIEF® (Project Management Institute and its Educational Foundation). Even though it is above all a work in a virtual environment, it is always a pleasure to meet colleagues from all over the world in person.

Philadelphia03

Philadelphia, 2011, PMI Global Sustainability Community of Practice, Council meeting at the PMI Headquarters, USA

Dallas14

Dallas, 2011, PMI Global Sustainability Community of Practice, NALIM, USA

Dallas_ROWS

Dallas, 2011, PMI Global Sustainability Community of Practice and PMI Academic Resources, Speaker at ROWS North America Congress, USA

Seminario27Gen201211

Naples, 2012, PM and speaker at a PMI SIC seminar, University of Naples “Federico II”, Italy

Marsiglia04

Marseilles, 2012, PMI Global Sustainability Community of Practice and PMI Academic Resources, Speaker at ROWS EMEA, France

Vancouver14

Vancouver, 2012, PMI Global Sustainability Community of Practice, NALIM, Canada

 

Seminario24Mag201304

Naples, 2013, PM and speaker at a PMI SIC seminar, University of Naples “Federico II”, Italy

DSC_0145

Naples, 2014, PM and speaker at a PMI SIC seminar, University of Naples “Federico II”, Italy

img_5589

Rome, 2014, Speaker at PMI Rome Training Professional Meeting, University “Roma Tre”, Italy

Salerno03

Salerno, 2014, Speaker at a Meeting of Ordine degli Ingegneri and PMI SIC, Italy

DSC_0638

Naples, 2015, PM and speaker at a PMI SIC seminar, University of Naples “Federico II”, Italy

Post-Disaster_Cover

PMIEF, 2013, Italian translation of the “Project Management Methodology for Post Disaster Reconstruction

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/manualeprogettisostenibili