Emotional Manipulation (Narcissistic Abuse) Q&A 1 – 5

Emotional Manipulation (Narcissistic Abuse) Q&A 1 – 5

Question 1

  1. Someone, who anticipates your needs, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 2

  1. Someone, who gives you wellbeing, serenity and safety, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 3

  1. Someone, who behaves in an economically responsible way towards you, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 4

  1. Someone, to whom you can entrust what is dearest to you, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 5

  1. Someone, who tires and wears you out, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Answer 1

If you are in a healthy relationship, someone who anticipates your needs is someone, who takes care of your needs and loves you.

If you are in a bad relationship, the cases are two.

  1. He or she is a manipulator, who wants to dupe you.
  2. He or she is a victim of your manipulations, which fears being abandoned and does everything to satisfy you, with the risk of losing his or her dignity.

Answer 2

Someone, who gives you wellbeing, serenity and safety, is someone who loves you and makes you feel “at home”.

Manipulators, men and women, love to keep their victims on tenterhooks, between ups and downs, on purpose.

Victims of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) transmit, and make heavy, their own anxieties and fears, often unknowingly.

Answer 3

Generally, economically responsible people are people, who put into practice values ​​and principles of economic sustainability. For example, they evaluate the ratios quality/price and cost/benefit, consider expenses and investments in the short, medium and long term. They avoid waste. They have the wellbeing and the needs of their loved ones and of future generations at heart.

So, someone, who behaves in an economically responsible way towards you, is someone who loves you. He or she takes care of your needs. He or she acts in a timely, equitable, and balanced way, and by mutual consent.

Manipulators, men and women, want to meet their immediate needs. They spend and waste to impress their victims or strangers. They keep their savings only for themselves. They make promises and postpone, or swallow. They impose economic privations on their victims to scare them and to subdue them.

A victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse) is engaged in economically meeting the needs of manipulators, men and women, in a priority way, even without knowing it. He or she can be economically exploited and deceived.

Answer 4

Someone, to whom you can entrust what is dearest to you (for example: house, family members, animals, goods, and savings), is someone who loves you. He or she will take care of them with diligence and good sense.

Manipulators (men and women) are focused only on their needs and on what they want to achieve. They could take possession of your savings. They could neglect or damage your goods artfully.

Generally, a victim of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) is a dependable person. It is for this reason that the manipulator (man or woman) has chosen him or her, but the dependence on them could be too strong. Or, the manipulator might have any interest towards you. In both cases, your goods or your loved ones, if entrusted to the victim, could be in danger.

Answer 5

Someone who loves you, makes you feel well, excites you, and helps you in making your wishes come true.

Someone, who tires and wears you out (“energy vampire”), could be either a manipulator, man or woman, or a victim of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse).

Manipulators, men and women, swallow good mood, joy, proactivity, and optimism literally. With their constant criticisms and complaints, they grieve and weaken the people they interact with, even physically. Also when they are cheerful, they know how to leave bitterness in your mouth. They are capable of sabotaging the projects of their victims.

Victims of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) are inclined to repeat some of the usual behaviors of their manipulators. If the dependence is strong, also the victims are ungrateful, catastrophic, disheartening, and caustic.

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

 

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Volunteering for PMI® and PMIEF®

Here is a collection of a few photos of my many volunteer activities with PMI® and PMIEF® (Project Management Institute and its Educational Foundation). Even though it is above all a work in a virtual environment, it is always a pleasure to meet colleagues from all over the world in person.

Philadelphia03

Philadelphia, 2011, PMI Global Sustainability Community of Practice, Council meeting at the PMI Headquarters, USA

Dallas14

Dallas, 2011, PMI Global Sustainability Community of Practice, NALIM, USA

Dallas_ROWS

Dallas, 2011, PMI Global Sustainability Community of Practice and PMI Academic Resources, Speaker at ROWS North America Congress, USA

Seminario27Gen201211

Naples, 2012, PM and speaker at a PMI SIC seminar, University of Naples “Federico II”, Italy

Marsiglia04

Marseilles, 2012, PMI Global Sustainability Community of Practice and PMI Academic Resources, Speaker at ROWS EMEA, France

Vancouver14

Vancouver, 2012, PMI Global Sustainability Community of Practice, NALIM, Canada

 

Seminario24Mag201304

Naples, 2013, PM and speaker at a PMI SIC seminar, University of Naples “Federico II”, Italy

DSC_0145

Naples, 2014, PM and speaker at a PMI SIC seminar, University of Naples “Federico II”, Italy

img_5589

Rome, 2014, Speaker at PMI Rome Training Professional Meeting, University “Roma Tre”, Italy

Salerno03

Salerno, 2014, Speaker at a Meeting of Ordine degli Ingegneri and PMI SIC, Italy

DSC_0638

Naples, 2015, PM and speaker at a PMI SIC seminar, University of Naples “Federico II”, Italy

Post-Disaster_Cover

PMIEF, 2013, Italian translation of the “Project Management Methodology for Post Disaster Reconstruction

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/manualeprogettisostenibili

 

Why consult a design engineer?

In my thirty years of experience as an engineer and as a consultant, I have dealt with large national and international projects, such as the disposal of industrial iron and steel waste, the remediation of contaminated sites, and the disposal of wastewater from ships.

For these major works it is normal, and often required by law, to contact a competent practitioner.

For small projects, however, the situation is very different.

Small customers are convinced that they do not need a project and can go directly to a supplier without consulting a design engineer.

I am going to give you some examples.

The plumber
In 1995, I designed and built the hydraulic system of a private house. In 2005, the customer called me because the plant had problems. The pressure was lower. The water flow decreased. The boiler worked badly. Sometimes it did not go into operation, sometimes it worked intermittently. During the survey, I found that he had made changes to the plant. The customer justified himself surprisedly, saying that he had called the same plumber. I had to explain to him that the plumber did the job following my designs, my drawings, and my calculations.

The smith
In 2000, a customer called me for a survey. He was rebuilding a cantilever roof and replacing a shed with the help of a smith, who had built a beautiful porch for him in a different place years before. I found an incomprehensible three-dimensional tangle, with no structural or aesthetic sense. They had improvised on the field, both the customer and the smith. The customer, by guess-work. The smith, satisfying him and taking advantage of the situation. The customer was surprised because he had called the same smith of the veranda. I explained to him that on that occasion the smith had followed my designs, my drawings and my calculations. And I left them to their three-dimensional tangle.

The garage
In 2005, a customer asked me an opinion about the gate of his garage. During the survey, I explained him that his garage had some structural problems, which had to be solved before intervening on the gate. In particular, the access opening needed a new flat arch. After these works, he had to install a new gate of different structure and dimensions. I asked the smith to reinforce the old gate, and deferred the replacement after that the consolidation work had been done. Meanwhile, the customer turned to surveyors, who pretended to be engineers, and to handymen, asking for various opinions. My solution annoyed these improvised suppliers, who wanted to take advantage of the superficiality and of the ignorance of the customer.

Especially in small projects and with customers with less economic resources, the intervention of a practitioner is paramount. To comply with time and costs. To assess risks and opportunities. To coordinate the work without overlapping. To select the right suppliers and the most suitable materials. To assure easy maintenance and durability. It is the most appropriate opportunity to implement economic sustainability, ensuring efficient and prudent use of the few available resources, in addition to the environmental and social sustainability.

A project is needed and this project needs to be managed effectively. And projects need to be paid. This is to answer an acquaintance, who asked me with her big surprise: “Why? Do we have to pay for projects?”. Yes, and for professional consultancy too.

In conclusion, even for small projects and for small everyday needs, it is better to consult in advance engineers with experience in a particular sector. They can help you with the disposal of solid, liquid and gaseous waste. They can assist you with a technical inspection before purchasing a new house. They can help you with moisture, condensation, aeration, and lighting issues. They can suggest a technology, a material, or a supplier. They can provide you with energy-saving solutions.

Do not call them only after that the “do it yourself” has produced results different than expected, or a real disaster.

To choose an up to date and well trained, judicious, and reliable professional, read the curriculum, also on the Internet. Perform cross-checks, for example, by calling or sending e-mails to compare the data on the resume. If required, make sure that they are enrolled in a professional order. For example, you can refer to this article: “Difference between professional order and category association”. (Available only in Italian).

A woman engineer (in Italy) is called engineer, and not mistress, or miss, or doctor.
Design engineers are, without any discrimination, both men and women.

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/manualeprogettisostenibili

Paola Morgese’s photo: With the workers at a contaminated Site of National Interest

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, “Perché consultare un ingegnere progettista

 

 

Labor Day

Close your eyes and imagine living in a nation based on the well-being of the people, a nation that is free to manage its public money and to distribute it to its inhabitants as it thinks best.

Money is a human invention, it is not a gift of nature and is conventionally used in the exchange of goods and services among people.

Let us assume that every citizen has a dowry at his or her disposal from birth, which allows them to lead a dignified life. For example, if compared with the cost of living at the present time, this amount could be a thousand dollars net per week.

If these citizens are children, this dowry would be managed by their parents. If they have good parents, they will find themselves with some savings, which they will manage when adults. If they have bad parents, they will find their dowry squandered when adults.

If these citizens are adults, they may make important and independent decisions for their life. They could choose to be satisfied with the dowry, which allows them to live with dignity. This would allow them not to work under remuneration, to arrange their time according to their needs, their wishes and their loved ones, and to perform social volunteering.

Adult citizens may decide not to be satisfied with the dowry and to earn more money, choosing a job. They could look for the job that they want most and in the sector that is most congenial to them, both as an employee, as a freelance, and as an entrepreneur.

In any case, they would be free to look for the solution, which satisfies them most. It would not be a constraint, as for most adults now, but a free choice. These adults, who work under remuneration, would do it for personal enjoyment. They would do it because they like their job, or because they like the money. In any case, they would have satisfied a personal wish.

In such a society, most people would be engaged in performing activities that they like, according to their own needs and attitudes, and only for individual choice.

What are the three main benefits that may be there?

  1. The disappearance or the drastic reduction of incompetent, negligent and bully-minded people, who enjoy the privilege of a steady job with a guaranteed salary;
  2. Time management according to personal needs and the retrieval of interpersonal relationships and of the relationship with oneself;
  3. Widespread well-being, satisfaction, and serenity.

What three main disadvantages could be there?

  1. The disappearance or drastic reduction of the buying of votes, which ensures a steady job with a guaranteed salary to incompetent, negligent and bully-minded people;
  2. Devaluation of the power of money;
  3. Free, happier, healthier and richer citizens, therefore less needy and less manipulable.

Now, breathe deeply and reopen your eyes.

It was just a guided meditation.

Namastè! 🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

Sustainability is not mere business sustainability

During the last months, I have read many articles, blog posts, and titles of webinars in English language with the word sustainability in their headlines.
The delusion has been great when I found nothing about real sustainability in their content.
They just deal with the ability to sustain the business.

This is a clear attempt to change the true meaning of the word, giving a reverse significance to it.

Business sustainability could exactly be the opposite of sustainability as it should be practiced by a company.

Global sustainability is economical, environmental, and social, and, moreover, it is for the common wellbeing in the long term.

The real meaning of the word can be read in this previous blog post of mine: “The economic sustainability of a company”.

What a strange manipulation of words.

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/manualeprogettisostenibili

 

Royalty issues for independent authors

If you are an “indie” author like me, you could have experienced some issues about royalties.

The online publishing platform, which I use, provides each manufactured copy of a book with a unique identification number. They assign this specific ID number to identify each single copy for their own accounting purposes, in addition to the book title ID number and to the ISBN number. When I receive their royalty reports, the list doesn’t show this unique ID number.

Moreover, in general, a book should always show the date when it was printed. I couldn’t find this date, which indicates when a book was manufactured, on each copy of my books.

For the above reasons, for more transparency and to avoid misunderstandings with authors, I asked:

  1. To include this unique book ID in my royalty reports;
  2. To print always the date on each manufactured copy.

Have you ever thought about this problem?

If yes, how have you solved it?

Maybe, this is a general issue, regarding also non independent authors.

Your suggestion for improvements are very welcome. Thanks!

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

http://www.facebook.com/manualeprogettisostenibili

http://www.facebook.com/PezzidicioccolatoPaolaMorgese/