Emotional Manipulation (Narcissistic Abuse) Q&A 1 – 5

Emotional Manipulation (Narcissistic Abuse) Q&A 1 – 5

Question 1

  1. Someone, who anticipates your needs, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 2

  1. Someone, who gives you wellbeing, serenity and safety, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 3

  1. Someone, who behaves in an economically responsible way towards you, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 4

  1. Someone, to whom you can entrust what is dearest to you, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 5

  1. Someone, who tires and wears you out, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Answer 1

If you are in a healthy relationship, someone who anticipates your needs is someone, who takes care of your needs and loves you.

If you are in a bad relationship, the cases are two.

  1. He or she is a manipulator, who wants to dupe you.
  2. He or she is a victim of your manipulations, which fears being abandoned and does everything to satisfy you, with the risk of losing his or her dignity.

Answer 2

Someone, who gives you wellbeing, serenity and safety, is someone who loves you and makes you feel “at home”.

Manipulators, men and women, love to keep their victims on tenterhooks, between ups and downs, on purpose.

Victims of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) transmit, and make heavy, their own anxieties and fears, often unknowingly.

Answer 3

Generally, economically responsible people are people, who put into practice values ​​and principles of economic sustainability. For example, they evaluate the ratios quality/price and cost/benefit, consider expenses and investments in the short, medium and long term. They avoid waste. They have the wellbeing and the needs of their loved ones and of future generations at heart.

So, someone, who behaves in an economically responsible way towards you, is someone who loves you. He or she takes care of your needs. He or she acts in a timely, equitable, and balanced way, and by mutual consent.

Manipulators, men and women, want to meet their immediate needs. They spend and waste to impress their victims or strangers. They keep their savings only for themselves. They make promises and postpone, or swallow. They impose economic privations on their victims to scare them and to subdue them.

A victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse) is engaged in economically meeting the needs of manipulators, men and women, in a priority way, even without knowing it. He or she can be economically exploited and deceived.

Answer 4

Someone, to whom you can entrust what is dearest to you (for example: house, family members, animals, goods, and savings), is someone who loves you. He or she will take care of them with diligence and good sense.

Manipulators (men and women) are focused only on their needs and on what they want to achieve. They could take possession of your savings. They could neglect or damage your goods artfully.

Generally, a victim of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) is a dependable person. It is for this reason that the manipulator (man or woman) has chosen him or her, but the dependence on them could be too strong. Or, the manipulator might have any interest towards you. In both cases, your goods or your loved ones, if entrusted to the victim, could be in danger.

Answer 5

Someone who loves you, makes you feel well, excites you, and helps you in making your wishes come true.

Someone, who tires and wears you out (“energy vampire”), could be either a manipulator, man or woman, or a victim of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse).

Manipulators, men and women, swallow good mood, joy, proactivity, and optimism literally. With their constant criticisms and complaints, they grieve and weaken the people they interact with, even physically. Also when they are cheerful, they know how to leave bitterness in your mouth. They are capable of sabotaging the projects of their victims.

Victims of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) are inclined to repeat some of the usual behaviors of their manipulators. If the dependence is strong, also the victims are ungrateful, catastrophic, disheartening, and caustic.

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

 

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Labor Day

Close your eyes and imagine living in a nation based on the well-being of the people, a nation that is free to manage its public money and to distribute it to its inhabitants as it thinks best.

Money is a human invention, it is not a gift of nature and is conventionally used in the exchange of goods and services among people.

Let us assume that every citizen has a dowry at his or her disposal from birth, which allows them to lead a dignified life. For example, if compared with the cost of living at the present time, this amount could be a thousand dollars net per week.

If these citizens are children, this dowry would be managed by their parents. If they have good parents, they will find themselves with some savings, which they will manage when adults. If they have bad parents, they will find their dowry squandered when adults.

If these citizens are adults, they may make important and independent decisions for their life. They could choose to be satisfied with the dowry, which allows them to live with dignity. This would allow them not to work under remuneration, to arrange their time according to their needs, their wishes and their loved ones, and to perform social volunteering.

Adult citizens may decide not to be satisfied with the dowry and to earn more money, choosing a job. They could look for the job that they want most and in the sector that is most congenial to them, both as an employee, as a freelance, and as an entrepreneur.

In any case, they would be free to look for the solution, which satisfies them most. It would not be a constraint, as for most adults now, but a free choice. These adults, who work under remuneration, would do it for personal enjoyment. They would do it because they like their job, or because they like the money. In any case, they would have satisfied a personal wish.

In such a society, most people would be engaged in performing activities that they like, according to their own needs and attitudes, and only for individual choice.

What are the three main benefits that may be there?

  1. The disappearance or the drastic reduction of incompetent, negligent and bully-minded people, who enjoy the privilege of a steady job with a guaranteed salary;
  2. Time management according to personal needs and the retrieval of interpersonal relationships and of the relationship with oneself;
  3. Widespread well-being, satisfaction, and serenity.

What three main disadvantages could be there?

  1. The disappearance or drastic reduction of the buying of votes, which ensures a steady job with a guaranteed salary to incompetent, negligent and bully-minded people;
  2. Devaluation of the power of money;
  3. Free, happier, healthier and richer citizens, therefore less needy and less manipulable.

Now, breathe deeply and reopen your eyes.

It was just a guided meditation.

Namastè! 🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

The study of science protects from being manipulated

Science is a set of ordered and coherent knowledge. Subjects like chemistry, physics, biology and natural sciences are all disciplines dealing with the phenomena of the sensible world for descriptive and interpretive purposes.

Scientists are expert scholars in a particular discipline.
In the study of nature, the scientist uses the sense organs or some increasingly sophisticated tools. The results, to be totally objective, should be independent from the activity of the scientist, from his or her personal, social and cultural story. That is, scientists should be independent from any kind of pressure and conditioning to impartially perform their work.

In reality, this does not always happen because of large economic and power interests linked to the applied sciences, that is the application for practical purposes of scientific laws and results. The scientific and technological progress could be driven from the outside towards a specific, single and interested direction.

The continuity of the scientific and technological progress should instead be always and equally assured in all sectors, in order to obtain more and better knowledge for the common good and well-being. Sustainability should be the single and wide direction to follow. Science and technology should ensure the continuity of life on this planet with a biocentric and non anthropocentric perspective, which respects the rights of all living beings. The right to health and to environmental, social and economic well-being should be guaranteed to all future generations. Equal opportunity and availability automatically generate trust in ourselves and in other people, cooperation, and emotional security.

Personal learning, deriving or not from school education, of scientific disciplines and of some simple basic notions, protects against possible distortions of scientific results. Science is based on facts, on numbers, on measurements, and not on words. Someone at school might not have studied chemistry and physics, because the matters were cancelled or because the teacher was not friendly. Or even because the teacher was not able to explain and made the subject incomprehensible and unapproachable for the majority of his or her students. To get started, just look for a good, clear and passionate teacher or book.

We should have no doubt, for example, about pH, acid rain, electromagnetic waves, chemicals and chemical reactions, antibodies, viruses and bacteria. They are not abstract topics. They are the environment where we live and the food that we eat. They are the remedies that we use for our health and the water that we drink. They are the substances contained in household cleaners and body creams. They are the clothes that we wear and our personal belongings.

Words can be manipulated, their use can be changed, their meaning can be altered, their sense can be turned upside-down. Classic examples of distortion of words are given in this blog post: “1984, the book symbol of manipulation”.

If we have some simple basic scientific knowledge, we can instead make independent cross-checks. We can have fun while making experiments directly and in a conscious and informed way. We can repeat the experience, if we are not satisfied. We can go deeper. We can go further and trust our reasoning, our intuitions, and our personal results.

Namastè  🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

http://www.facebook.com/manualeprogettisostenibili

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, Studiare le materie scientifiche per non farsi manipolare

 

 

A project in a book: how project management defeats narcissistic abuse

The launch of the English version of “Holistic Solutions to Emotional Manipulation” is the opportunity for unveiling a secret about this book. It is a project that uses a project management methodology to defeat narcissistic abuse with holistic solutions.

If you are a supporter of project management, you can add a brand new success to this discipline.

Here are the reasons.

The book is divided in five chapters, each of them representing a specific process group: initiating, planning, executing, monitoring and controlling, and closing.

There are instructions to develop an action plan to defeat emotional manipulation and a check list to organize the work.

Each section analyzes ten project management knowledge areas in detail: scope, time, costs, quality, human resource, communications, procurement, risks, stakeholders, and integration.

A project management methodology is applied to the solution of narcissistic abuse through the use of holistic disciplines, which work on body, mind and spirit simultaneously.

You could say that this is a strange experiment, using a rational matter as project management in order to treat something that is often evanescent, spiritual, and intangible. But I can assure you that it works.

I tested this method on myself because, being an engineer and a project manager, this approach belongs to my own behavior and habits.

The readers, men and women, of this book, who are very far from being project managers and who maybe do not even know what project management is, used it for their own particular cases. And this method worked for them too.

Here is what a reader wrote to me: “The book has shown me a very useful method to remove the author of the manipulation forever, …”. You can read the complete interview in this blog post.

These encouraging results are a further proof of the power and of the versatility of project management.

We, as project managers, can be very proud of its magic.

The birth of a new book is always exciting. Who knows where it will go, who will browse its pages, and who will take it in her or his heart. Welcome! “Holistic Solutions to Emotional Manipulation

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

http://www.facebook.com/manualeprogettisostenibili

More than one year without television

In June 2015, suddenly, my television antenna stopped working. Not knowing whether it was broken or tampered with, I chose not to get it repaired.

Since then, I have lived without television. And I assure you that life is really different this way. Whatever had happened, whether it was a natural accident or it had been man-made, since then the quality of my life has improved very much.

I am much freer. I manage my time. I am no longer bound to the time of television programs. I decide what to do at a certain time. Declared or hidden advertisements no longer arrive to me. I choose how, where and when deepening news, information and updates. I have much more time for myself and my loved ones. I suffer no distractions. I use all my time, without throwing it away stunning myself with matters of other people. I am focused on my life and on my goals.

When I was a child, the television had only one channel and the programs began in the afternoon with the children’s TV. I waited with joy for Paolo Poli telling me one of his delightful stories. In the evening there was “Carosello” (commercial). It was in black and white. For the next episode of a serial you had to wait for a week. Only during the days of the Fair of the House at the Overseas Exhibition of Naples (Italy), in June, the TV was turned on for a few hours in the morning: just the time of a film.

Well, without TV, I found again my time. I feel lighter. Too much television steals time, stuns and dims the mind, manages thoughts, confuses memory, sends body, mind and spirit to sleep, makes foolish, chokes, makes heavy, blocks the movements and the flow of energy.

Without TV I lost the habit of bad news and of violent images. I choose what to see and what to hear, and I choose it in harmony with my personality.

If, as I read in a book of yoga in the Seventies, we have counted breaths, it is even more important to dedicate them to ourselves and not to waste them.

Namastè  🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, Un anno e più senza TV

 

 

The Natural Remedies of Maurizio

To be free from emotional manipulation requires care, attention and simple daily actions.

Natural remedies are among these attentions, which you can choose according to what you like the most and consider the most effective for your case and for your personality.

Let us know them better.

Today it is the turn of the Natural Remedies of Maurizio.

Maurizio Roberto Sena has a degree in Naturopathy, Herbal and Ecological Sciences. He is a naturopath (natural health practitioner) and bioenergetics expert. He lives between Naples and Rome (Italy). Maurizio studies non-conventional therapies and ethnic medicine, and works in various Italian cities to spread them, thanks to availability and his ability to communicate. He practices and teaches herbal therapy, flower therapy, herbal treatment, and therapy with trace elements. Maurizio provides technical consulting on behalf of herbal companies. Being fond of radionics, he carries out extensive researches into the treatment with ultramolecular therapy. He provides workshops on body functionality at private schools and centers.

Question: “How, when and why have you become fond of natural remedies?”.

Answer: “It all started when I was about 25 years old and had a health problem that had lasted for two years, in which I have taken everything and more of medicines. Then, I met a homeopath doctor, who healed me in one month”.

Question: “What are their main benefits?”.

Answer: “The benefit is not in the remedy as it is natural, but in the ability of the therapist to be able to identify the person, who is asking for help and, as a result of this finding, to give him or her a bio-physical substance that stimulates his or her life force (Vis Medicatrix Naturae), that is the induction to the ability of the body (microcosm) to live in harmony with the universe (macrocosm), where there are no pathogenic agents “on purpose”.

Question: “What simple natural remedy could you suggest us for our health?”.

Answer: “There is not a remedy that heals, as I said before, because there is not the disease but the sick person. This indicates the action of the therapist in identifying the person with his or her psycho-physical baggage. Therefore: holistic medicine, that is a medicine which is directed to the individual as a “whole”.

Question: “What is your personal message for those who want to break free from manipulation?”.

Answer: “Health is a journey through time and space. We are in a historical moment where the “omnipotence syndrome” draws crowds (that is, “I do not need the help of anyone”). It makes most people believe that they can heal by themselves, simply by consulting the Internet, looking for the miraculous remedy, and it makes them think to be smart, because they saved a professional bill. However, it is the duty of the therapist to accompany and to teach the patient the way, which is the best one for him or her, that will lead to the ability of using his or her holistic system to self heal”.

Thanks Maurizio!

I met Maurizio this year during two of his free seminars. Doctors, naturopaths and experts in bioenergetics took part in the first, crowded, event. In addition to topics that I already knew, such as homeopathy and Bach flowers, I heard for the first time about diathesis and “signatura”. The second meeting, which I had the privilege and the courtesy to attend, was reserved only for doctors. During this exclusive seminar, also the phytotherapy was deepened. It is a discipline that should be rediscovered and valued above all with reference to the local Mediterranean species.

Namastè  🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, I rimedi naturali di Maurizio

http://progettisostenibili.wordpress.com/2016/12/02/i-rimedi-naturali-di-maurizio/

 

Systemic Family Constellations

Systemic family constellations can be of help in the solution of emotional manipulation, or narcissistic abuse, both for identifying the manipulator, man or woman, and for working on specific events.

It often happens that manipulators, cowards as they are, are hidden behind other people. They could wear a mask, or they could camouflage, or they could even mingle with the crowds.

Specific events, which have particularly upset or wounded us, need to be faced, accepted, understood, analyzed, and reappraised. Our mind may have magnified the problem. Returning it to a physical space, with our feet on the ground, focusing on emotions and bodily sensations, helps to reconnect with the reality of things and with ourselves.

Systemic constellations use a spatial language in order to bring to light the relationships and the dynamics of a social system. A family is a particular social system. Through this method, emotional, affective and cognitive learning is stimulated.

Family constellations were invented in the 1980s, in the United States, by a family therapist named Virginia Satir, who asked her patients to create a sculpture of their own family.

Modern systemic family constellations can be performed in the following three main ways, and always under the supervision and coordination of an expert facilitator.

  • On a table, also on a floor or on a board, in individual form or in group, through the use and the relative positioning of blocks or figures of different color and size, which represent material entities, such as people and components of the family group, but also intangible items, such as emotions or problems. This technique produces a low emotional involvement.
  • With external representatives, who are outside the family context and are not involved in the events. In this case, constellations can take place in an open form, that is people are aware of what they represent, or in a hidden form, that is people do not know which item they are representing. In the hidden form, they cause a medium emotional involvement, while in the open form there is a high emotional involvement.
  • With the real members of the family that you want to analyze. In this situation, the emotional involvement is very high.

There are four basic ordered principles in family constellations:

  1. Everyone has the same right to be a member of the family system;
  2. An older child takes precedence over a younger child;
  3. The current family takes precedence over the family of origin;
  4. Anyone, who provides a greater contribution, takes precedence over a person with less contribution.

The first principle guarantees the existence of the family system. The second principle ensures growth and propagation. The third principle regulates the flow of energy, the immune strength and the health of the family system. The fourth principle relates to the maturity of the family members through an assessment of their individual skills.

The fact that the principles should be followed in the indicated order means that the existence of the family is the most important factor. For instance, if a family member is excluded, or is removed or is forgotten or, even, is abused, then the family itself is disintegrated. Its very existence is questioned and it makes no sense to consider the next principles.

You may need also to include absent individuals, or dead persons, in the family group and to remember that parents give while children take. Inverting these principles means to literally destroy a family.

Because of the empathy, which develops during a constellation, observers can feel a high emotional involvement too.

If there are animals, for instance dogs and cats, in the family group, they should be represented in the constellation. Moreover, the technique of the family constellation could be helpful in the understanding and in the solution of anomalous behaviors of pets. Family events transfer, and have consequences, also to them.

If you suffer, or have suffered, from emotional manipulation, or narcissistic abuse, reading these rules on the good health of a family group has surely helped you to clarify some of your personal situations, which remained obscure so far, and has provided you with the answers to many of your questions that were pending.

Treasure these principles and apply them to your new family.

Namastè  🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering
http://it.linkedin.com/in/ingpaolamorgese/en

https://sustainableprojectsblog.wordpress.com/

http://www.facebook.com/soluzioniolisticheallemanipolazioniaffettive

References
Huemann M., Eskerod P., Ringhofer C., 2016, Rethink! Project Stakeholder Management, Project Management Institute, USA

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, Le costellazioni familiari sistemiche

http://progettisostenibili.wordpress.com/2016/11/26/le-costellazioni-familiari-sistemiche/