The Reiki of Lucia

Getting rid of emotional manipulation requires care, attention and simple daily actions.

Among these cares there are also the holistic disciplines, which you can select among those ones that you like the most and consider the most effective for your case and your personality.

Today it is the turn of Lucia’s Reiki.

Lucia Di Napoli is seventy years old and holds a university degree. Since 1994 she has been a holistic operator; in particular she is a shiatsu instructor, a yoga instructor, and a second level reiki.

Question: “Why did you become fond of this holistic discipline?”.

Answer: “I really appreciated reiki, because it allows me to bring benefits also to people, who are bedridden and, therefore, can not take the positions required by other holistic disciplines”.

Question: “What are its main benefits?”.

Answer: “Reiki acts very well on a psychological and even physical level, because it allows a rebalancing of our chakras that, as we know, are centers of energy to which organs and functions of our body are in correspondence”.

Question: “What simple use do you suggest for our health?”.

Answer: “The advice is to practice, also short, treatment cycles of seven or eight sessions, repeated at intervals of one or two months, to maintain the level of psychophysical wellbeing, so as to be able to face with greater determination the trials to which life subjects us”.

Question: “What is your personal message for people, who want to free themselves from emotional manipulation?”.

Answer: “If we strengthen our self, therefore our self-esteem, with the help of these holistic disciplines that have the primary purpose of healing our body, mind and spirit, we can better recognize and then face the people, who try to extort something from us emotionally”.

Thanks Lucia!

I met Lucia during the group vibrational treatments with gongs and Tibetan singing bowls of Alexandro (see the relevant interview). She is a kind and professional lady. Lucia teaches the holistic disciplines and tests them on herself, practicing them in person. I was surprised by her willingness and her curiosity to often attend sessions, conferences and meetings in the sector organized both by her fellow instructors and by her former students. She teaches, studies, and practices with continuity and constancy. Giving, receiving, and evolving.

Namastè 🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering


Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, Il reiki di Lucia



The Crystal Therapy of Francesca

Getting rid of emotional manipulation or narcissistic abuse requires care, attention and simple daily actions.

Among these cares there are also the natural remedies, to be selected among those ones that you like the most and consider the most effective for your case and for your personality.

Today it is the turn of the Crystal Therapy of Francesca.

Dr. Francesca Aveni is a childhood educator and a system-relational counselor. For over fifteen years, she has been studying alternative methods to solve emotional and non-emotional people’s problems. She is passionate about reading and she reads everything that can give her new ideas for creative solutions.

Question: “How, when and why have you become fond of this natural remedy?”.

Answer: “This passion, if we want to call it this way, has been a consequence of my studies. There should be an alternative method to traditional medicines and holism gave me the answers”.

Question: “What are its main benefits?”.

Answer: “The benefits of crystal therapy are manifold and various, ranging from the treatment of physical problems, such as inflammation, to helping in overcoming mourning. It is a slow but constant process that allows, in combination with traditional medicine, to heal certain diseases or illnesses or, better, to prevent them”.

Question: “What simple use do you suggest for our health?”.

Answer: “A very simple use that I recommend to everyone, as long as you do not suffer from hypertension, is to use a tumbled amethyst stone under the pillow in order to prevent headaches and nightmares. Amethyst relieves tensions, thus allowing a truly restorative sleep “.

Question: “What is your personal message for those who want to free themselves from emotional manipulation?”.

Answer: “To get rid of emotional dependence, I can recommend a combination of amazonite, calcite and dumortierite. They are stones that, when combined, eliminate the old harmful behaviors and induce to take control of your life “.

Thanks Francesca!

I had studied crystals and rocks at the third year of university for the geology examination at engineering. I never imagined that, after some decades, I would find the same stones under a totally different aspect: the therapeutic one.

I met Francesca for the first time at the Festival of the Orient in Naples, Italy, last September 2017. I had just finished my conference on emotional manipulation and was accompanying my niece in search of an object. She left her stand to come and hug my dog. After introductions and greetings, I looked around and, in the display of goods of Francesca, there was exactly what we were looking for. What a coincidence!

Namastè 🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering


Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, La cristalloterapia di Francesca

Photo (C) 2018 Paola Morgese


A link between emotional and economic manipulation

There is a subtle and insidious link between emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse) and economic manipulation.

There are manipulators and narcissists, men and women, who, for economic reasons, deprive the victims of their loved ones or fill them with gifts to bind them to themselves or, moreover, force them to live in deprivation in order to better control them, or impoverish them to meet their needs first of all.

For example, someone, who is forced, without any real need, to live in economic hardship by someone whom he/she loves, feels in trouble, is insecure and disoriented. The manipulator or narcissist can manage him/her as he/she wants. It is about economic and emotional avarice. The victim is so used to this “quid pro quo” mechanism, that is “I give you something, if you give me something in return or if you behave as I want”, that he/she sees as his/her reference only his/her tormentor . He/she cannot perceive that he/she has many more resources and many more opportunities.

Let us suppose that the victim needs a pencil and that the stationery stores are closed at that time. If he/she thinks that he/she can only obtain it by buying it where and how he/she has always done, he/she will wait for them to reopen. If, instead, the victim analyzes all the possible ways, with which he/she could come into possession of a pencil, he/she will realize that there are many more. He/she could meet a friend, who lends it to him/her or who gives it to him/her. While walking in the park, he/she could find it on a bench, forgotten or lost by someone. She/he could remember having it in her/his hair, because she/he has used it to tie it up in a ponytail.

As there are not only stationeries to obtain a pencil, so there are not only manipulators and narcissists as a reference. There are many other alternatives and many other people, whom very often victims, forced to live as in isolation, can no longer see.

The victim can also happen to be inundated with gifts, money and kindness when the manipulator or narcissist wants to impress her/him, wants to impress strangers, needs something from the victim, or has something to be forgiven.

Also in this case the victim falls into confusion: the link between love and economic well-being is ambiguous and unhealthy. A moment before, the manipulator or narcissist is ready to give her/him everything without asking or doing anything. A moment later, he/she has no right to anything and must undergo impositions and retaliation. Which are the right behaviors? Which the wrong ones? How does he/she get his/her pencil from the manipulator or the narcissist?

A victim is unable to understand that he/she has so many alternatives at his/her disposal and that they are all within reach. If she/he does not know the dynamics of emotional manipulation and narcissistic abuse, she/he will think that she/he is wrong. If she/he thinks that these mechanisms are normal among people who love each other, she/he will tend to repeat them with her/his loved ones. He/she will not realize that there are healthier and more productive methods to deal with other people.

Wrongly thinking that love is an exchange of commodities that can be bought, sold, bartered or lent, a victim of emotional and economic manipulation will think that it is normal to be surrounded by other people, who behave that way. Repeating the actions of his/her manipulators and narcissists, he/she will remove from himself/herself people, who are capable of giving and receiving sincere and unconditional love.

Then there are manipulators and narcissists, who for economic claims or spite deprive the victim of his/her dearest ones. This can happen, for instance, because of issues connected with inheritance disputes or to daughters and sons, who are contended between parents fighting each other. The victim may be required, for money matters, to take sides against someone whom he/she cares about. She/he may be forced to no longer see brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, or grandparents.

In this case too, love and money are confused. In this case too, manipulation undermines both the emotional and the economic well-being of the victim. Healthy family relationships are based on love bonds and not on economic ties. This confusion will also reign in the life of the victim, if he/she does not notice it and refuses it.

Economic well-being and security go hand in hand with emotional well-being and security. If someone has done everything in his/her capability, if he/she has studied, if he/she has worked hard and if he/she has committed himself/herself with all his/her strength without being able to achieve his/her economic and affective objectives, perhaps the answer is precisely in the emotional and economic manipulation that he/she has suffered.

If someone in his/her life has met too many manipulators and narcissists, he/she could not know all his/her resources, could not have seen all the opportunities at his/her disposal, could have been exploited and exhausted, could make confusion between love and money, and could not have the right emotional support.

Love is not for sale, is not attachment and is not dependence, on the contrary, it is given at no cost, is liberty, and autonomy.

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, Legame tra manipolazioni affettive ed economiche


Emotional Manipulation (Narcissistic Abuse) Q&A 1 – 5

Emotional Manipulation (Narcissistic Abuse) Q&A 1 – 5

Question 1

  1. Someone, who anticipates your needs, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 2

  1. Someone, who gives you wellbeing, serenity and safety, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 3

  1. Someone, who behaves in an economically responsible way towards you, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 4

  1. Someone, to whom you can entrust what is dearest to you, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Question 5

  1. Someone, who tires and wears you out, is:

a) a manipulator (man or woman);
b) a victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse);
c) someone who loves you.

Answer 1

If you are in a healthy relationship, someone who anticipates your needs is someone, who takes care of your needs and loves you.

If you are in a bad relationship, the cases are two.

  1. He or she is a manipulator, who wants to dupe you.
  2. He or she is a victim of your manipulations, which fears being abandoned and does everything to satisfy you, with the risk of losing his or her dignity.

Answer 2

Someone, who gives you wellbeing, serenity and safety, is someone who loves you and makes you feel “at home”.

Manipulators, men and women, love to keep their victims on tenterhooks, between ups and downs, on purpose.

Victims of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) transmit, and make heavy, their own anxieties and fears, often unknowingly.

Answer 3

Generally, economically responsible people are people, who put into practice values ​​and principles of economic sustainability. For example, they evaluate the ratios quality/price and cost/benefit, consider expenses and investments in the short, medium and long term. They avoid waste. They have the wellbeing and the needs of their loved ones and of future generations at heart.

So, someone, who behaves in an economically responsible way towards you, is someone who loves you. He or she takes care of your needs. He or she acts in a timely, equitable, and balanced way, and by mutual consent.

Manipulators, men and women, want to meet their immediate needs. They spend and waste to impress their victims or strangers. They keep their savings only for themselves. They make promises and postpone, or swallow. They impose economic privations on their victims to scare them and to subdue them.

A victim of emotional manipulation (narcissistic abuse) is engaged in economically meeting the needs of manipulators, men and women, in a priority way, even without knowing it. He or she can be economically exploited and deceived.

Answer 4

Someone, to whom you can entrust what is dearest to you (for example: house, family members, animals, goods, and savings), is someone who loves you. He or she will take care of them with diligence and good sense.

Manipulators (men and women) are focused only on their needs and on what they want to achieve. They could take possession of your savings. They could neglect or damage your goods artfully.

Generally, a victim of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) is a dependable person. It is for this reason that the manipulator (man or woman) has chosen him or her, but the dependence on them could be too strong. Or, the manipulator might have any interest towards you. In both cases, your goods or your loved ones, if entrusted to the victim, could be in danger.

Answer 5

Someone who loves you, makes you feel well, excites you, and helps you in making your wishes come true.

Someone, who tires and wears you out (“energy vampire”), could be either a manipulator, man or woman, or a victim of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse).

Manipulators, men and women, swallow good mood, joy, proactivity, and optimism literally. With their constant criticisms and complaints, they grieve and weaken the people they interact with, even physically. Also when they are cheerful, they know how to leave bitterness in your mouth. They are capable of sabotaging the projects of their victims.

Victims of emotional manipulations (narcissistic abuse) are inclined to repeat some of the usual behaviors of their manipulators. If the dependence is strong, also the victims are ungrateful, catastrophic, disheartening, and caustic.

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering


Labor Day

Close your eyes and imagine living in a nation based on the well-being of the people, a nation that is free to manage its public money and to distribute it to its inhabitants as it thinks best.

Money is a human invention, it is not a gift of nature and is conventionally used in the exchange of goods and services among people.

Let us assume that every citizen has a dowry at his or her disposal from birth, which allows them to lead a dignified life. For example, if compared with the cost of living at the present time, this amount could be a thousand dollars net per week.

If these citizens are children, this dowry would be managed by their parents. If they have good parents, they will find themselves with some savings, which they will manage when adults. If they have bad parents, they will find their dowry squandered when adults.

If these citizens are adults, they may make important and independent decisions for their life. They could choose to be satisfied with the dowry, which allows them to live with dignity. This would allow them not to work under remuneration, to arrange their time according to their needs, their wishes and their loved ones, and to perform social volunteering.

Adult citizens may decide not to be satisfied with the dowry and to earn more money, choosing a job. They could look for the job that they want most and in the sector that is most congenial to them, both as an employee, as a freelance, and as an entrepreneur.

In any case, they would be free to look for the solution, which satisfies them most. It would not be a constraint, as for most adults now, but a free choice. These adults, who work under remuneration, would do it for personal enjoyment. They would do it because they like their job, or because they like the money. In any case, they would have satisfied a personal wish.

In such a society, most people would be engaged in performing activities that they like, according to their own needs and attitudes, and only for individual choice.

What are the three main benefits that may be there?

  1. The disappearance or the drastic reduction of incompetent, negligent and bully-minded people, who enjoy the privilege of a steady job with a guaranteed salary;
  2. Time management according to personal needs and the retrieval of interpersonal relationships and of the relationship with oneself;
  3. Widespread well-being, satisfaction, and serenity.

What three main disadvantages could be there?

  1. The disappearance or drastic reduction of the buying of votes, which ensures a steady job with a guaranteed salary to incompetent, negligent and bully-minded people;
  2. Devaluation of the power of money;
  3. Free, happier, healthier and richer citizens, therefore less needy and less manipulable.

Now, breathe deeply and reopen your eyes.

It was just a guided meditation.

Namastè! 🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering

The study of science protects from being manipulated

Science is a set of ordered and coherent knowledge. Subjects like chemistry, physics, biology and natural sciences are all disciplines dealing with the phenomena of the sensible world for descriptive and interpretive purposes.

Scientists are expert scholars in a particular discipline.
In the study of nature, the scientist uses the sense organs or some increasingly sophisticated tools. The results, to be totally objective, should be independent from the activity of the scientist, from his or her personal, social and cultural story. That is, scientists should be independent from any kind of pressure and conditioning to impartially perform their work.

In reality, this does not always happen because of large economic and power interests linked to the applied sciences, that is the application for practical purposes of scientific laws and results. The scientific and technological progress could be driven from the outside towards a specific, single and interested direction.

The continuity of the scientific and technological progress should instead be always and equally assured in all sectors, in order to obtain more and better knowledge for the common good and well-being. Sustainability should be the single and wide direction to follow. Science and technology should ensure the continuity of life on this planet with a biocentric and non anthropocentric perspective, which respects the rights of all living beings. The right to health and to environmental, social and economic well-being should be guaranteed to all future generations. Equal opportunity and availability automatically generate trust in ourselves and in other people, cooperation, and emotional security.

Personal learning, deriving or not from school education, of scientific disciplines and of some simple basic notions, protects against possible distortions of scientific results. Science is based on facts, on numbers, on measurements, and not on words. Someone at school might not have studied chemistry and physics, because the matters were cancelled or because the teacher was not friendly. Or even because the teacher was not able to explain and made the subject incomprehensible and unapproachable for the majority of his or her students. To get started, just look for a good, clear and passionate teacher or book.

We should have no doubt, for example, about pH, acid rain, electromagnetic waves, chemicals and chemical reactions, antibodies, viruses and bacteria. They are not abstract topics. They are the environment where we live and the food that we eat. They are the remedies that we use for our health and the water that we drink. They are the substances contained in household cleaners and body creams. They are the clothes that we wear and our personal belongings.

Words can be manipulated, their use can be changed, their meaning can be altered, their sense can be turned upside-down. Classic examples of distortion of words are given in this blog post: “1984, the book symbol of manipulation”.

If we have some simple basic scientific knowledge, we can instead make independent cross-checks. We can have fun while making experiments directly and in a conscious and informed way. We can repeat the experience, if we are not satisfied. We can go deeper. We can go further and trust our reasoning, our intuitions, and our personal results.

Namastè  🙂

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering

Translation of the Italian blog post: Paola Morgese, Studiare le materie scientifiche per non farsi manipolare



A project in a book: how project management defeats narcissistic abuse

The launch of the English version of “Holistic Solutions to Emotional Manipulation” is the opportunity for unveiling a secret about this book. It is a project that uses a project management methodology to defeat narcissistic abuse with holistic solutions.

If you are a supporter of project management, you can add a brand new success to this discipline.

Here are the reasons.

The book is divided in five chapters, each of them representing a specific process group: initiating, planning, executing, monitoring and controlling, and closing.

There are instructions to develop an action plan to defeat emotional manipulation and a check list to organize the work.

Each section analyzes ten project management knowledge areas in detail: scope, time, costs, quality, human resource, communications, procurement, risks, stakeholders, and integration.

A project management methodology is applied to the solution of narcissistic abuse through the use of holistic disciplines, which work on body, mind and spirit simultaneously.

You could say that this is a strange experiment, using a rational matter as project management in order to treat something that is often evanescent, spiritual, and intangible. But I can assure you that it works.

I tested this method on myself because, being an engineer and a project manager, this approach belongs to my own behavior and habits.

The readers, men and women, of this book, who are very far from being project managers and who maybe do not even know what project management is, used it for their own particular cases. And this method worked for them too.

Here is what a reader wrote to me: “The book has shown me a very useful method to remove the author of the manipulation forever, …”. You can read the complete interview in this blog post.

These encouraging results are a further proof of the power and of the versatility of project management.

We, as project managers, can be very proud of its magic.

The birth of a new book is always exciting. Who knows where it will go, who will browse its pages, and who will take it in her or his heart. Welcome! “Holistic Solutions to Emotional Manipulation

Paola Morgese, PMP
Civil Hydraulic Engineer
M.S. Sanitary and Environmental Engineering